Ilana

I read this poem this morning and have been teary ever since

I thought of you today, but that is nothing knew.
I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too.
I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.
All I have are memories and a picture in a frame.
Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part.
God has you in his arms. I have you in my heart.

It was a year ago yesterday my sweet sister in law Ilana passed away. Lan's you are always in my heart. I cry because I am selfish. I miss your smiles. I miss seeing you throw your head back and laugh every time Matthew would dance or really do anything at all. I miss seeing you hold Andrew and seeing the tender love of a mother as you would hug him. No matter how much pain you were in that last year you were at peace when you held your boys. I was so convinced you were going to be okay that I can't believe you are gone. I say that but at the same time I have never felt the presence of anyone so often and so strong. I know I can't hug you but I feel you so often. I am sure that God knows your heart and he sees that smile we all miss so much and he says, "go and visit your boys today." In true Lana fashion you jump at the chance. You always took every opportunity and enjoyed every moment. I don't know what to say other than I miss you. I love you. I am glad that your pain  is gone but I am sad I only have pictures and not the original. I know that God has you in his arms but I was overwhelmingly blessed to have you in my life a short while so you could forever be in my heart. Always remembering and loving you Lans. God be with you (and me) till we meet again.