I wasn't ready!

(Allie playing Mary in the Nativity)

The other day Brooklyn and I were in the strangest mood. She was talking about spanking bottoms and I told her about the day she was born and the Dr. turned her upside down and smacked her on her bottom. I continued to do a theatrical performance about what it was like in the hospital room when she was born. Then I gave her a big hug and told her I was glad to be her mommy.

Allie walked in half way through my performance and at the end she looked up at me and said, "What about me!"

I started to sob. I new these questions would come but I thought I had 5 years to pray and think about what to say. Sometimes the Lord likes to see impromptu performances I guess.

I held her and cried for a few minutes thinking I was unable to truly express what a miracle she is to me. Only like Allie can she looked at me with empathy and said, "you cryin mama!" and gave me a hug. She let me cry for a minute.

After the initial sadness of not having the exact story of the night she was born I remembered the day that Della brought her to our home for the 1st time and this is what I told her. "The Lord sent you to us in a very special way. He sent you to Aunt Della so she could bring you to us. She loved you so much and thought it was so important that you have brothers and sisters that she prayed to find a family for you and Aunt Della chose us." I continued to tell her the story and I was again amazed by it. I have never seen the Lords hand so clearly in my life as at that time.

Many miracles happened to bring her to us. The sight of her sitting in my dads arms the 1st time she was in our home is a memory that will stick with me forever.

I pray that I am ready for questions like these when they come. I hope I can express the love I feel for my little girl and little man when they want to know their story, when they have questions about Jennifer, and when they feel frustrated that Jennifer has kids out there they don't know. I hope that our family is enough. I hope I can bring comfort and peace to them. I hope I do this mom thing right with all my kids. It would suck to put your heart and soul into something only to be crappy at it

I wasn't ready for the questions to start already. It has been a few weeks since she asked me to tell her about when she was born and I know she has forgotten all about it but it has been on my mind a lot. I pray that the Lord is with me when my kids need me. I pray that I know what to say at the right time. I pray that I am a good mom.

The Wonderful Thing About Kids...

is how they make you feel as a mom. I know moms have there bad moments and they can feel guilt, frustration, anger, etc. However in the next second they can make you feel like you walk on water. I have realized lately that although I am far from perfect my kids really get the best side of me. As I cooked dinner the other night and all the kids were up to the table or in their highchairs they watched me as I sang at the top of my lungs, Raise Your Glass by Pink and then danced all over shaking my booty at them. They were all cracking up. I don't know if it is because my voice is so bad or I am that funny. It is probably a little of both. I love these kids! I have no inhibitions around them. I know me dancing and singing is not socially acceptable. So it is nice, in the comfort of my home and only in front of my children, to let loose and make an idiot of myself. I am grateful for my kids who as for now make me feel like I walk on water. I am dreading teenage years! Will I ever be able to sake my booty then and have them think I rock?

Great Weather

The last 2 days have been great. The weather has been amazing. We have spent almost every second outside and I have loved it. We ate lunch and dinner outside, gone to the park, gone on a lot of walks, and just played in the backyard. We have watched next to no TV and I am so happy. I am such a better mom when I get fresh air. There has been very little frustration on my part and maybe half the time outs. I know that it is supposed to get warm again and I am so sad but it makes me hopeful that soon I will have 8 months of great parenting.